Discovering Dad - Latest Comments in What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

MommyTime — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:54:21 -0000

Mr. Lady's point that peeves are very personal is important, I think. It's not necessarily that women send mixed signals, but that each of us don't want/need the same things as each other, any more than you do.

Connecting that with the changing habits idea, I think it would be great to have a little "pet peeves panel" in my own house ... you know, where we each got to list, say, five and explain them. Then we could trade lists, and maybe promise not to discuss them till the next day, so we'd have a little time to process. My biggest peeve is his defensiveness: every time I bring up something that makes me nuts, such as the laundry only making it to the VICINITY of the basket but never in it, his response is "I don't do that." As if perhaps it is ME who runs quick quick into the bathroom and pulls his boxers OUT of the laundry bin and strews them around on the floor while he's showering... So, maybe, to deal with defensiveness, a written list and a cooling off period before we discuss it would be a great strategy.

Thanks so much for the great insights!

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

NukeDad — Fri, 02 May 2008 00:38:56 -0000

I'm in touch with that emotion. I worked at a BBQ restaurant for years cooking whole chickens. Cut them in half, trim, the works. Didn't always sit well after doing Tequila shots In Juarez, Mexico all night! I have been an advocate of "Every Chicken Left Behind" every since.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:58:15 -0000

Yeah, it would be so romantic, until she took the first bite and barfed all over the table! Seriously, though, Lori is slightly exaggerating. I do cook. For example, I know how to make salad...and hot dogs...and soup (from a can)...and I can cook a frozen pizza like nobody's freakin' business!

I hate to touch raw meat, though, because when I was a kid I used to hunt and trap A LOT - my cousin is the great, great grandson of one of the most famous hunters in Appalachia by the name of Meshach Browning, so we had to do the family proud. When you're 10 years old skinning coons, rabbits and foxes to make an extra $2, though, it kind of scars you for life. This is why I don't hunt or cook very often any more. True story!

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:50:22 -0000

Thanks Amanda!

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:49:27 -0000

I'm replying for Lori because she said she was too tired - yeah right! Anyway, she said that if you're going to make shirts with velcro labels that you should also ask your wife to wear breakaway pants, just in case ;-)

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:47:58 -0000

OK, so Lori says I only answered 2 of her calls, then I screened her 4 times later in the day. I WAS WORKING in the basement - C'MON!

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

NukeDad — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:19:28 -0000

Jeremy,
No cooking? Dude! You know what a point winner that can be, even if it's only once in a while! Check out my "Cliffipes", I wrote them to be funny, but THEY WORK! And they're easy. You don't have to cook a gourmet meal, but can you imagine the reaction you would get if Lori came home to a homecooked meal served by candlelight? Cha-ching! That's the "He's so wonderful" register sound.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Amanda (Shamelessly Sassy) — Thu, 01 May 2008 23:08:24 -0000

ooh, good post!

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Ali — Thu, 01 May 2008 21:42:09 -0000

"I am just trying to RESOLVE it"

That is a really good point Matt. I hadn't thought of it that way.

Thanks for helping me understand men better. :)

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Mr Lady — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:41:32 -0000

They can. SO MUCH. But it takes a TON of time and vicious dedication. On BOTH parts.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Joe — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:39:25 -0000

Dam, I seem pretty cool according to these ladies. I do think I would annoy all of them with my good cooking and perfect hygiene. I think my naps are really annoying to my wife, especially when we are both tired. Also, I am not a nay sayer...either is Hot Wife ;)

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Matt — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:37:32 -0000

I also think that women interpret our unwillingness to "drop it" as trying to win the argument. We already know we will win less than .001 percent of the arguments in our lifetime, so for me thats not always my objective. Usually, I am just trying to RESOLVE it. I hate just letting it go and walking around for a day knowing that my wife is either angry at me, or that I am angry with her. If you expect us to have more patience, then I think its within reason to expect you to take what displeases us into consideration as well. I don't want to speak for every guy here, but sometimes a simple "Its cool, I'm not mad any more," can go a very very long way.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:13:05 -0000

Like Lori said, this is an issue for us. We are both stubborn, proud and competitive (although we try not to compete with each other). Arguments are tough for us to resolve because neither of us like to give in. She said in a previous post that she always wants to be right, which drives me insane and prolongs our arguments. Sometimes I am right, but I rarely get this concession. Many times I'm wrong, and I've really tried hard to admit it over the past few years. We always find our way through arguments though, and we've learned to let them go...eventually.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:09:13 -0000

Good points Jojo! I really like how you shared your willingness to change habits - there are some things that are in our own best interest to change about ourselves, for ourselves and for others. People appreciate when we do this for them on our own. Letting go of the little things, though, is also key, so that resentment doesn't build-up. I've heard plenty of times that it wasn't anything big that split people apart - they grew apart one little step at a time. That should never happen, especially if we are communicating with each other. Thanks again!

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:01:35 -0000

Cats are craptastic (sorry, but I'm not a fan either).

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:00:22 -0000

You should make one shirt with velcro labels, so they could be changed out quickly ;-)

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Ali — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:59:07 -0000

Mr Lady - I was in the same situation where my husband was the nay-sayer for a long time. I am still battling with the fear of rejection and it has really hurt our marriage. I just wanted to share that I've gone through it too. I'm really hoping those issues can be healed over time.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Ali — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:51:50 -0000

If I could tell my husband my biggest pet peeve: Stop trying to win EVERY FAKKING ARGUMENT. Please, just drop it. Going on and on just makes me angrier by the second. Also, if I change my mind about something, and I tell you 'the new game plan', please don't spend 5 minutes telling me, "BUT you just said this OTHER thing was the game plan."

This kind of argumentative back talk drives me up the wall.

Don't guys know that the old saying is true: If mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!

So, just let her be 'right'. Arguing over little stuff is such a waste of energy.

And, note to self: have more patience.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Jojo — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:47:58 -0000

Like people have said here, everybody is not perfect and before you got married you spent YEARS doing things your way, but once you have a permanent roommate, life is easier when you just compromise...because now you are just not by yourself anymore. I'm lucky that the husband is a neat and helpful guy..I'm actually the "laid back" (read lazy at times) and clutterbug in this marriage. We would fight about this ALL the time, I would just say you knew I was this way before we married, just leave me alone...but then I thought, how immature of me, there's nothing wrong and difficult about picking up after myself...especially to make a good example for my child. So I've been trying and the great thing is he lets me know how much he appreciates that I am. Give your man some acknowledgment for his effort, even rolling out socks is a big thing for someone who has never done that in their whole life. Don't take it for granted that they should do that just because THEY KNOW BETTER...maybe they just don't, it'll take 3 seconds to tell them and a lifetime to hold a silent grudge.

My father always told me...you spend YEARS not closing the toothpaste cap and then something so little can cause divorce...aka things build up. People have good things and bad things....if your good things overshadow your bad, you can take it and live with it CHILLAX! but if you have even ONE really bad thing that overshadows ALL your good, then you're in trouble. Sometimes we think that letting go of our habits is like CHANGINg ourselves for others...it may be not, it may actually do you good and make life easier to manage.

My only pet peeve is that my husband has a bad memory...but I do recognize he just can't help it..so we have set up two Google calendars and we put our events on there and share our calendars with each other. It has helped a lot. Sometimes if you just relax, you'll realize that REALLY your arm won't fall off if you have to remind him one extra time. Actually you'll feel even better if you PITY them for not having the mental capacity you do LOL

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Mr Lady — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:45:37 -0000

Hey, it's just that much more lube no one has to worry about. ;-)

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Mr Lady — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:44:39 -0000

*ahem*

I need to qualify my response to this whole thing.

When I hear Pet Peeve, I think, "Oh, something he does once in a great while that mildly annoys me." I don't think every day BS. The toilet thing? He did that ONCE, and it became a great big joke for us. Really, you had to be there. Everyone tries to get away with something sometimes, don't they? It wasn't malicious or lazy...it was us being silly. It did annoy me, slightly, but we prolonged it as a game.

The sex thing? That's just unique to us. We have a HORRIBLE sexual history, and are just now beginning to mend that, and part of our angst is tip-toeing around each other sexually. I in no way was trying to imply that he should always initiate, or that whether or not he gets lucky is a crap-shoot. I have a bigger sex drive than most 17 year old boys. My husband has more booty than he could ever handle.

I feel like I made him look like a gigantic ass. I did not intend that. He works A MINIMUM of 12 hour shifts, 6 days a week. He comes home past midnight every night and will still do the dishes if I was too tired to get to them. He bails me out of my laundry nightmare every Sunday, which is his only day off. He tidies all the time, and never, EVER, complains that the floors should have been swept or that there is 2 inches of dust everywhere. He is a WONDERFUL man.

The poor thing only gets one day home a week, and sometimes he just wants to lock himself in his room and watch SportsCenter. I CANNOT argue that. He tries really hard to remember that I need that, too. He just forgets sometimes. He guy is tired ALL the time. Of course he forgets. I just have to remind him occasionally.

Does that help at all????

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

lasthome — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:44:00 -0000

Might I suggest a follow-up post or question regarding division of labor? Who does what in the house, and how much?

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

lasthome — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:43:17 -0000

No, the seriously craptastic job is emptying the litter box. Excuse me, boxES - for our four cats. Ugh, ugh and double ugh.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

Matt — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:37:00 -0000

Eeeeewwwww, red sheets! Just kidding.
It does clarify, and I also don't want to insinuate that I hear no all the time. I guess I just am a true male in the sense that, when I have decided that I want to do something, I want it to go completely perfectly every time without any hitches. How's THAT for realistic expectations? You're explanation makes sense, but I still wish it were easier for us to figure you ladies out sometimes. Maybe I should invent a series of T-Shirts that either have the words "YES", "NO" or "Try Me" printed on them. Then I could just look and know where I stand. Also the "Yes" one could be all lacy and low cut. OK, I am rambling.

Re: What Moms Really Think About - Pet Peeves

jnbammer — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:27:55 -0000

Now, we're all going to go out and buy a set of red sheets ;-p You crack me up!