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Knowing how much you love being a dad, I find it hard to believe that BusyDad is a LameHusband! :-)
Our wives? Not so much - they are strange creatures that we don't know as well as our own kids. I feel like such a bad husband most of the time that I'm honestly surprised that my wife sticks around.
When I stop to think about marriage I always consider the initial motivation and how it varies among men and women. It may be pretty cliche but I think many women come into marriage with a fairy tale relationship ending in mind, and rightfully so. The problem is men don't start the process that way, but if they are paying attention at all they can work to get there. The key to making this a successful transition is learning to listen sooner rather than later. Wives require and deserve undivided attention, husbands don't always require this but we do deserve it. We just need to stop and listen to them, and yes, with eye contact please.
A marriage is only as strong as the hardest day. It can all be weathered if both people are interested in riding out the storm rather than tossing one or the other overboard just to keep a sinking ship afloat. I try to never make the mistake of thinking the storm we may be in is the last one. Instead I try and learn from it and figure out which rations I need to stock up on so I can be prepared for the next one.
Good stuff. I'm anxiously awaiting the next post, should be interesting.
--Tyler
PS> I just put a link up on my blog to give you a shout out..
The ladies had some interesting answers, I feel the carpet thing with Mr. Lady, some of the stories I have followed for a while now like Pipes and I respect and think the world of all these gals. I just beginning to know your wife, but she seems really cool and she sounds like the other ladies, a realist. I think that is the key, idealists on either side of a marriage are poison. You need to be able to navigate that obstacle course while drunk. Great post. I would like to participate on the dad side if you need an extra bloke.
Peace!
Thanks for sharing a little of your story. I tell ya, from my experience, you're very fortunate to have what you've got. It's hard to make things work when your young. My parents got married at 18 & 19 and are still hanging strong, and I look to them as a great example. You guys will be an awesome example to your kids too Joe.
Lori and I are really tight too, and we had instant chemistry. We got engaged after 3 months and married after 7 months of dating. It took us time to develop the relationship, but now I can't ever imagine being without her. She is definitely a realist - I would say that we're both optimistic pragmatists. Either way, she's the bomb in my book!
BTW - everyone should check out the "braid off" competition between Joeprah and Mr. Lady. Funny stuff!
Marriage is NOT all wine and roses obviously. But the love is what binds, and that love does evolve through the years. And if the evolution includes children, it's a whole other world.
I've been married almost 15 years now; together with hubs over 20. Yeah, we were uh-hum, kids when we met, and are still big kids at heart. But I think the thing that binds us most is the fact that we do "miss" each other from time to time... and we let each other know that.
great kickoff - came via Kim's blog
Everyone has different experiences with marriage and I really enjoy reading other's perspectives. I met my husband and we immediately hit it off - and within 6 months we were married and pregnant with our first child (he was 25, I was 23). We've been together almost 3 years now. Marriage for us has come easy to us - we both learned from our parents just how difficult a marriage can be and that it takes a lot of work. but it has its rewards. He is truly my best friend - the person I turn to no matter what. He puts up with me - and that says a lot. I'm not the easiest person to deal with!
@BusyDad - Sometimes I feel the same way. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in fatherhood that being a good husband seems to take the backburner. I need to work on that.
We were high school sweethearts, broke up when we went to college 3000 miles apart for a year, but fell back in with each other when she came back home.
What Mr. Lady says is soooo true, I am not the person I was back on day one, nor is my wife. For the most part that is a good thing. But sometimes it's disappointing, frustrating, or just plain sad. But it's a big time change. Not just little things here and there but major stuff. Throw in four kids and it's a whole new ballgame. It's a challenge, but very rewarding to constantly work on it, work on yourself and tackle the obstacles and make each day better (at least a little part of the day) better than the one before.
Without my marriage, without my wife I wouldn't be me. I would be "unrecognizable to myself" (thanks Boss) and I wouldn't be happy about that. This whole marriage thing is hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
Not that I don't go digging through the file cabinet of 'WELL, that one time you did blank! Guilty as charged.
When Mr.T and I started <s>dating</s> hooking up, we became pregnant 2 months later. We decided not to get married just because we were pregnant and decided to wait. Make sure we would make good parents together before we jumped into being lifelong mates. In all the ignorance surrounding us at 19/21 I am so proud of that decision. Family members were pissed. His thought I was a slut, mine thought he was a shmuck 'knocking her up' and not even making her legal? Tough times-though we have prevailed(thus far.) And man alive if anyone of you would have seen what we were like in years 1-4 you would have all wagered bets that we couldn't possibly last. We treated each other like crap. I offer no excuses either than we were 20/21-24/25 and were too dumb to figure out how to give up the formal way. Thank god!
I would say were I focus the most is selecting my battles wisely, and sticking to my guns on the things I am most passionate about. One thing making me think we can really make it through the test of time is that we have always have one fight, and one fight only- we happen to fight about that topic frequently. Money. I am passionate about spending it, he is passionate about saving it. He stays dedicated to his cause and I stay dedicated to mine. That, I find to be respectful.
Saying marriage is work-well that's an understatement if ever I heard one.
I think the opposite. I know it is a sin to ever say this, but having a kid, as much as i love him to death, was much harder than being just married. When it was just her and I, life was so easy it was a joke. Kids really take away from the relationship, from my experience. needless to say, im done at one(child). But that can also be this day and age, since we both have to work to afford our house and have to have sitters all the time, etc. It isnt like the old days when mommy stayed home. If that were the case, i would definitely have more just for her(she wants more kids)