Discovering Dad - Latest Comments in What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Sun, 18 May 2008 01:41:36 -0000

Thanks JHS! I'll definitely check the carnival!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

JHS — Sun, 18 May 2008 00:37:31 -0000

Thanks for participating in this week's Carnival of Family Life by contributing this post! The Carnival is at ice cream is not for breakfast this week and will be live on Monday, May 19, 2008, so drop by and check out some of the other excellent articles included in this edition!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Sat, 10 May 2008 21:49:47 -0000

Glad you like it!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Marly — Sat, 10 May 2008 20:57:12 -0000

What a nice change to read about some positive profiles of fathers.

Thanks!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:18:44 -0000

Thanks Jolly green! Make sure to tell your wife to leave her comments, and feel free to add some specific ones of your own too!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Jolly green Dad — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:53:49 -0000

Awesome series. Wow. Good stuff. I have to get my wife to read this series.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Karen MEG — Sat, 03 May 2008 09:01:10 -0000

What a great series this was!!! And a very nice roundup.

This one is easy for me because luckily I married a guy who is more natural at this parenting thing than I am! Ironically enough, he was the one who wasn't sure that he wanted to have kids early on.

A good dad is one who is here for his kids, both physically and emotionally. He's hands on, but doesn't just "play" with them as his role of engaging them. Sure he plays with them, but he also does chores with them, teaches them, disciplines them if needed (athough giving them a time out probably hurts him more than it does them) , nurtures them and cuddles them. These days the kids are his shadow ... especially when he's been away. They are all over him, and even though he's totally exhausted after coming home, he'll get them ready for bed, read a book and tuck them in. Because that's the routine, he knows they love it, and they're the most important people to him in the world.
Okay, I'm gonna cry now ;)

The gals on your panel did just great, and look at the discussions you generated!

Have a great weekend!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Sat, 03 May 2008 01:48:52 -0000

And we love us some Kelby! ;-) "You dads all rock." That's all the validation we need!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Sat, 03 May 2008 01:43:54 -0000

I'm sure that you will be a great dad Cory!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Kelby — Fri, 02 May 2008 19:30:45 -0000

This is a wonderful topic! Kudos to everyone for touching on this. I think great dads are hot (I call them DILFs, which I hope is cool with you boys... lol). Anyway, the ladies here already made some wonderful points. But I have a big mouth that I never seem to be able to resist using (even if I type my words).

I sometimes actually take for granted that my husband is a wonderful dad.... until I see one who isn't (and yes, I have heard husbands say they are "babysitting"). Oh, if only I could get them in a dark alley... mmhmm. I think many, many dads today are enjoying a real dad experience. I even see my own dad and my father-in-law, both of whom are great, be very hands off with the grandkids.

Dads today, the good ones, are very hands ON. That is the difference. It's something so simple, but means so much. It's not babysitting for a real man. It's dadhood. Whether that's wiping a butt or playing and romping or doing the dishes so mom can get 5 damn minutes to sit an relax.

Dads actually dad now. They are parents. The ones who think that is weird or somehow less masculine... well, they are the ones who have serious issues.

You dads all rock. I love working dads who have to juggle parenting roles and work places that don't understand about being a dad actively, and I love stay-at-home dads who have to tolerate a lot of people just not getting them. I love me some good dads.
:)

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Matt — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:13:45 -0000

All terrific advice. I'd be lying if I said the whole thing didn't scare me a bit but, hey, that's parenting!

Mr Lady - "And remember, someday, she's going to marry a younger YOU". That can never......never........happen.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:28:49 -0000

Matt, you are so right. My teenage daughter is so wrapped up in her friends that it's hard to maintain a strong connection with her. The thing I try to do is make a consistent effort and let her know that I'm available whenever she wants to talk or do things together. I also make special days for us to spend together doing things she enjoys, like shopping or going to the movies.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:24:06 -0000

Thanks Ed! Good to see you stopped by!

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:23:26 -0000

Thanks Rudy! You should show your wife some of the dad blogs - there's ways around the privacy thing. You're welcome to keep coming here and commenting though! Jeremiah was a Bullfrog - was a good friend of mine. Sorry, I always think of that when someone uses that name.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Mr Lady — Fri, 02 May 2008 15:08:30 -0000

By not changing. She's still your little girl, and she's going to be more secure when you let her know that. You have to respect that she's growing, but not give her too much room. By remaining the authority, by monitoring what she does, and with whom, she will know you care and she'll respect that, even when she gripes about it.

That's where my father dropped the ball, big time. I know one other panelist shares that in common with me, but I'll let her share if she chooses.

Just don't let her think she's on her own, and don't loose your footing as the dad. DO NOT try to be her friend. Love her, love her to death, but she's got enough friends. She needs a dad.

And remember, someday, she's going to marry a younger YOU. Set a good example of respect and love. That's all, really.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

lasthome — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:57:35 -0000

I like your world....

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Matt — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:36:51 -0000

I'm sorry to hear that it went down that way for both of you. I can't be sure, having not gone through it myself, but I imagine it can be fairly strange for fathers of daughters when they hit the teens. For years and years we are conditioned (through the media, music, even mid-century stereotypical parental roles) to see girls/women in a certain way. To treat the practice of meeting and seducing a woman as an art form...a conquest if you will. Then, all of a sudden, WHAM! You have yourself a daughter and the rules are changed. My guess is that many men tune out during those years simply for lack of knowing how to approach their daughters. Just like that they are women, not girls. How can men, especially from previous generations, know how to advise and support their daughters when they have been on the other side of the playing field for so long?

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Mr Lady — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:18:13 -0000

The more you wrestle with the kids, the more the moms wants in, too. At least in my world. :)

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

jnbammer — Fri, 02 May 2008 14:06:09 -0000

I think we're in agreement, for the most part. It's all about priorities.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Jojo — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:59:49 -0000

This is so completely true, Matt. I grew up with two older brothers and being an only girl, I was ALWAYS daddy's little girl....that is until I became a teenager. I think my dad didn't know how to react and what to teach me anymore since he was from the man's perspective...he left it all up to my mother. Now that I'm older and married, etc. the conversations I have with my dad are much different and closer...but I wish he was more present around those years when I was REALLY confused, and even I admit now, needed a time-out in the corner.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Mr Lady — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:53:49 -0000

Matt, WORD. My dad kicked ASS until I was 10 or so. And then he just checked out. I should clarify: My dad beat us senseless every day until I was 6, but when he wasn't clobbering us, he was teaching us guitar and taking us for walks and playing with us. And then we hit 4 feet tall and he figured we could fend for ourselves. I could forgive him for the beatings, but I will never forgive him for abandoning us.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

lasthome — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:53:20 -0000

Here's where I might take some issue with the basis of your statement. Now, if a dad can work a lot more than the standard 40-hours a week and still effectively have quality bonding time with the kids, that's ok. Not sure how it can happen, but I trust those that say it does. I don't like it when dads make the excuse that they have to work those hours to make ends meet, or that all those years of college and training force him into the job he's in, and that the lifestyle he's created won't support a reduction, so he'll make time for the kids when it's convenient to him - there are always alternatives and always other jobs. Regardless how much time, education, money and sacrifice have gone into the current position, if it negatively impacts the relationship with the kids, then it's time to find another line of work. And if the family's used to that extra money to support a big house, big cars, expensive clothes, toys, XBoxes, vacations, pools, private schools (I'm guilty of this one), etc, then it's time to scale back the lifestyle.

Two caveats: One, again like with Mr Lady's family I believe her when she says her husband's able to do all that and still be a quality dad. That's great, I'm talking about the ones who aren't quality dads but work 80 hours a week. The other caveat is the one that's barely making ends meet with his job. Maybe circumstances demand he work 2 jobs just to put food on the table, and he's barely making enough to keep the heat on much less buy a decent TV and gas for the car. That's different. Again, it's the dad that's so consumed by his status and work position that he loses sight of what's really important in favor of "stuff" that is wrong.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Matt — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:44:31 -0000

Fantastic series....really glad I found you. I think there is definitely a common thread in all of the panelists' posts, as others have said. It seems that involvement is the main character of a good father. One of my old bosses once said "At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what you buy them, what kind of music you listen to, car you drive, or what their allowance is....they just want you to hang out with them." That always rang true to me. Time with your child is probably the most important gift you can give.

One thing I think should be pointed out (and that I intend to work at constantly with my own daughter) is involvement throughout their entire life. Especially with daughters, I think, it can be easier to withdraw a bit when they reach the teenage years, as we know less or pretend to know less about how to advise them. I saw this happen with my own dad and my sister. Its very important to stay involved for the long haul...the job never ends.

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

lasthome — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:43:32 -0000

Wrestling with the kids is easy - it's when we start trying to wrestle with our wives (in a good way!) that difficulties crop up....

Re: What Moms Really Think About Good Dads

Natalie — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:41:38 -0000

"The best thing I see fathers bring to the family isn't the money, it's the wrestling; the tossing a baseball on Sunday; the playing Monopoly until midnight; the french kissing mom right in the middle of the living room midday in front of the kids. Maybe they grimace and Ewwww at him, but deep down they see that Dad is passionate about Mom, and this gives kids a hell of a lot of security."

My gosh Mr. Lady, you are inside my head. I wish my son had all of that. Sure, he gets the play time, but he never once saw his dad show his mom (me) the kind of affection that teaches a child what a good relationship is all about. That's another point to be made for dad's who have no qualms about showing the mother of their children affection.